Want to know how an Active Listener behaves? Let’s do it! Firstly…
(A joke) You got killed (in frustration) because you can’t listen. You just heard. It’s a grievous mistake or a deliberate crime that you commit on a daily basis. Your parents are tired of this behavior. Your spouse becomes a complaint box due to it. And if your children beg you to listen but forget to put the word “active” together. Your manager scowls at you for your defocused working style or might understand and get along.
Now, let’s get past this joke. There was no term such as active listening or passive listening. Psychologists Carl Rogers and Richard Farson created the term “active listening” in 1957. Active listening involves being fully mentally present when someone else is speaking, said Matt Event off, the founder of Princeton Public Speaking, an executive communication strategy firm. He added that it means that the individual is not multitasking, formulating responses to what the other person is saying, or allowing his mind to wander. Firstly let’s glance at the proper definition.
Definition of active listening
The International Listening Association (ILA) defines active listening as the receiving, constructing meaning, and responding to spoken and/or nonverbal messages processing.
According to several relationship and communication coaches across the globe, active listening is kind of being interested rather than being interesting. Why is it so important? Let’s see…
Importance of active listening in communication
Active listening in communication helps you in different areas of your life. It can mend human relations for good. Also can make you feel like an important person in others’ lives. It is a powerful skill which helps you in…
- Building Trust
- Productivity
- Conflicts Resolution
- Strong Work Relationship
- Self Empowerment
- Acceptance
You might have a question about how an active listener behaves? What kind of behaviours are acceptable while implementing active listening in a conversation? Let’s hold hands and see.
Non-verbal Behaviors
Just imagine, when you’re shopping in your city centre. And to show that you are not interested in talking to people who are trying to sell goods. What will you do? You may try to maintain distance, avoid eye contact and show no interest in your expressions. What happens then? They do not come to you. Trying to maintain distance, avoiding eye contact and interest-less expressions are the non-verbal behavioral cues.
It was a “then” casual situation. But now, when you are in a personal and professional setup, you have to behave like an involved active listener. So what do you do? Go through these really helpful pointers.
A. An active listener maintains appropriate eye contact
Didn’t you know? We look into other people’s eyes to get our work done quickly. We may fixate our eyes on someone else’s eyes when trying to get their attention in school, college or workplace. But if somebody cannot hold 100% eye contact, then they can try the 80/20 rule.
At a time of deep conversations hold eye contact for 80%. And 20% look wherever you want.
B. An active listener uses open and receptive body language that includes:
- Uncrossed arms
- Hands open and relaxed
- Uncrossed legs
- Toes pointing outwards
- Slight forward lean
- Neck in line with body
- Shoulders are back
- Chest out
- Proper face tilt (neither too high nor too low)
- Facing the speaker directly
70% of all communication is body language. 99% people believe in your story because of you using your hand gestures a lot while telling it. It also showcases that you are a very active and authentic person.
C. An active listener is who uses facial expressions that show engagement
For example, an employer calls in their employee for a meeting that is meant to be a promotion. The employee is smiling internally which signifies happiness. Because of this, the employee may feel energetic and thus speaks in a confident voice and answers properly which shows his engagement in this conversation.
Now for the second thought, we do love holding babies. Don’t we? They smile or snicker because they can’t speak when they like an individual who is playing with them. Hence it is concluded that babies use non-verbal behaviour to communicate their wants and needs.
D. An active listener’ familiarity with nodding occasionally
In convos, nodding signifies three things:
- A sign of understanding and contemplation.
- A sign to continue convo.
- A sign which encourages speakers to speak more and speak further.
These were the non-verbal active listener’s behaviors. Nonetheless, verbal behaviors are equally significant for an active listener. Isn’t it? Then come on…
Verbal Behaviors
A. Use minimal verbal affirmations
Short verbal affirmations (e.g., “I see,” “Uh-huh,” “Mmm”) can make the speaker continue and feel listened to. A small interjection shows that you’re actively engaged without interrupting the convo flow.
B. Ask clarifying questions
When something isn’t clear or does not sit well with you, then don’t hesitate to ask to re-clarify or re-confirm. Questions like “Can you elaborate on that?” or “What do you mean by…?” shows how much you are deeply into understanding the speaker’s situation or whatever thing/topic the speaker is speaking about.
C. Paraphrase and summarize
When an active listener says the listened-words, it is an opportunity for the speaker to clarify listeners’ doubts. Also, it confirms the active listeners’ understanding of an entire convo. An active listener always uses ‘I understand your situation or what you said’.
D. Reflect feelings
An active listener shows empathy by acknowledging the emotions behind the words. It deepens the connection.
Let’s assume the active listener speaks sentences like, “It seems like this situation is really frustrating for you,” or “I can hear the excitement in your voice about this project.” or “I can understand how sad you might be feeling for your lover’s demise.”
Active listeners value not only verbal and non-verbal cues but subtleness of mentally getting engaged in a dialogue.
So the question is what is the mental behaviour of an active listener? Scroll down to continue
Mental Behaviors
A. Focus fully on the speaker
Active listeners always participate in convo actively by engaging all senses subtly and gingerly. They are there for you.
B. An active listener evades planning responses while listening
An active listener is quite natural in their responses. They don’t rehearse their response while the other person is talking.
C. An active listener suspends judgment
Active listeners listen to understand and empathize with the speaker’s perspective. They don’t convert simple convos into arguments or pass a judgement in just a glance. They evade dismissing or minimizing the speaker’s concerns by validating the speaker’s feelings and experiences. An active listener can offer insights or personal experiences if relevant to the speaker.
Now quickly let’s come to…
Responsive Feedback and Empathetic Behaviors
A. An active listener always allows the speaker to finish their thoughts without interrupting. But for a tiny interruption, an active listener can seek the speaker’s permission before sharing opinions or suggestions.
B. An active listener always renders thoughtful or relevant responses and asks open-ended questions to encourage elaboration from the speaker to show their genuine interest in the speaker’s message. More constructive and supportive feedback an active listener can give when requested.
One of feedback behaviors which is well-appraised by speakers are,
Getting active listeners’ solicited advice regarding present topic cutting right through the conversational clutter.
Lastly, an active listener understands the value of attention. It is reflected in an active listener’s behavioural approach. Look here how it plays out.
Attentive Behaviors of an active listener can be divided into 2 points
A. An active listener eliminates distractions (e.g., put away phone, turn off your TV and laptops) and instead take convo notes if appropriate.
B. Active listeners never miss any past conversational details, its key points and its follow-up.
Conclusion
Next time when you go to your parents anniversary celebration, friends parties, or business events, etc. Then you do need to follow this blog to become an active listener. Because you are an active listener in the making. A decent human being is right in front of me. And….
THAT IS YOU.
Read more:
All about Active Listening