Whenever you enter a family function, anniversary or a party, conversations are freely flowing, glasses are clinking, people are having their food and music is bombarding. In those scenarios, conversation don’t sound like a chore or a ‘to-do list’ or a ‘difficulty’ to you. Now, take a break. Reverse your gear. That was 2 hours ago, when you were in the office working on a project and your boss said, ‘We need to talk. Therefore, we will meet in an hour at my cabin’.
Within that timespan, you were having 1000 thoughts at once like you get jittery and start asking yourself what, why, when and how of ‘that’ conversation. You cannot reason with yourself regarding that. So, you will want this earth to swallow you wholly before you are having ‘that’ conversation. Why? Because you felt that conversation is damn ‘difficult’, ‘a chore which you want to evade forever especially with your boss’, ‘a phrase, ‘we need to talk’ was not a complete sentence because your boss forgot to add ‘regarding this issue’ which is creating a hell lot of suspense for you’ and many more thoughts to come within that timespan.
Therefore, if you wanna be a future leader in your company, You will want to be ‘different’ in communication terms from your former boss who made a simplest thing like a conversation so very ‘difficult’, ‘scary’ and ‘a walking nightmare waiting to happen’.
The art of communication is the language of leadership- a deep quote by James Humes
Your excellent communication skills help to deliver ideas and visions as a leader. Not only that. It also boosts trust and cooperation within a team.
The Responsibility Perspective
People usually think that leaders are completely responsible for their actions. It is true. But what is not true? It is a fact that leaders can control their actions but not its outcomes.
Letting Go of the Uncontrollable
When an employee resigns from your workplace even after you made that employee feel ‘empowered’, ‘supported’. Don’t consider it as your mistake. Because you cannot control reactions and outcomes regardless of what you do for your employees. You will have to let them go regardless of how irreplaceable they are for your company’s job role or how much you liked that person.
Now, everything is so ‘difficult’ for you. Therefore, a so-called difficult conversation should not be an add-on, a chore for you and your employee. It must be a simple, crystal-clear, completely-sentenced and perfectly-nuanced conversation without missing bits.
But one thing arises on everyone’s mind that is…
What is the need for a difficult conversation at workplaces?
Firstly, beginning a difficult conversation might seem a daunting task. Therefore, you will have to come to the other side that can lead to an empowering experience.
Therefore, view this as an opportunity to…
- Voice your needs and concerns,
- Refine your communication skills,
- Forge honest and healthy relationships, and
- Chart a personal growth journey
What ‘difficult’ conversation imparts lessons to you?
- Firstly, it renders insights of your emotional triggers,
- Secondly, it helps you to develop your conflict resolution skills,
- Thirdly, it Inspires empathy by understanding others’ perspectives
- Fourthly, a ‘difficult’ conversation is a resilience booster because you smoothly sail through an entire tough conversation that boosts not only your confidence but also equips you to thrive in similar situations in the future.
- Fifthly, these conversations are a route to cultivate finer and holistic relationships that promote honesty and common understanding.
As an excelled leader, you prepare for interviews with job candidates personally to unite them with your company’s vision and objectives, for board meetings, and company’s ranking updates.
Why wouldn’t you properly educate yourself for a conversation that will be harder-hitting than all? Which is equally important.
Therefore, you don’t need to take your preparation too far.
Always remember, you’re getting ready for a conversation (it is your job to make it ‘easy’ for your employees), not for a performance.
Hence, there will be elements—unusual tangents, unexpected confessions, emotional outbursts—out of your control.
In that awkward position, be kind and accept the fact, ‘these wildcards are a ‘catalyst’ of how others really think and feel regarding your company and its people’. And, if the situation gets too worse, you suggest that person take a break.
The Strategic Importance of Difficult Conversations
Moving further with the above scenario, you asked that person to take a break as a part of your strategy to diffuse the tensions between the two of you. This ‘break’ unpacks the realization of ‘what is the core of that person’s problem?’. Moreover, a ‘difficult’ conversation break makes you think that you have to separate the people and problems into two categories. You always see a person who is complaining (through your biased lens) but you do not see a problem they are facing.
- Impact on Organizational Culture
For a millisecond, if you recognize the selfsame problem patterns in your company then you will have to take an immediate course of action to bring up healthy solutions for positive results
- Enhancing Productivity and Employee Engagement
Having a ‘difficult’ conversation might wear you out but at the same time it is refreshing, empowering, engaging and productivity-inducing for your employees.
How to begin a Difficult Conversation you’ve been skipping?
A conversation which scares your core helluva lot is bound to become ‘difficult’ or ‘something else’ depending upon how you cannot only begin it but also master this art at the end.
- Choose the right time and place
You cannot not have a conversation with an employee when you are with your colleagues or that employee is with their colleagues. Privacy matters for both the parties involved in a conversation otherwise it would be a humiliating experience for both of you, that’s why ‘CABIN’ or ‘CUBICLE’ exists which does ‘saving’.
- Lead with facts and focus on solutions
Your facts-oriented approach can direct your conversation into a different direction that is ‘solutions-based’ substances. When you do so, you show your ‘resolving’ attitude rather than blaming your employees for the office disputes.
- Restyle distinct communication styles
When you have facts and pre-solutions, don’t directly jump into having a conversation with an employee but first, you will have to rehearse what you have to say thoughtfully and thoroughly alone in your cabin.
- Approach the conversation directly and truthfully
After, rehearsing, communication restyling, pre-solutions designing, ‘just do the conversation’.
- Communicate clearly, cleverly, concisely and assertively
When your employee rants about the general problems in the office which does not resonate like sound-judgement they are actually facing, then you can step in between and begin the communication about the facets you actually want to communicate.
- Demonstrate care and connection
While you are communicating with an employee in a conversation, show that you care about them and not a villain in their success story. Try to find something common between the two of you.
- Always keep your cool and avoid defensive responses at any cost
Even after finding a common ground between two of you, ‘that’ employee continuously rants and bickers with you at every point. Therefore, it becomes natural for you to impulsively react or get defensive but don’t do that.
After finding a common ground, show your vulnerability and strength.
Thereafter, give that employee a breather/break to rethink about the stance.
- Be empathetic
After making that employee think about the stance, with a right attitude, infuse some kind of humour. After that, be empathetic and kind because that employee was clearly roughen up with the work. That’s why rants took up the ‘UPPERCASE’ in conversation.
- Check for understanding
After finishing off that ‘difficult’ conversation you can ensure to check-in an employee’s understanding and its impact on performance weekly, bi-weekly or after a month along with that employee.
- Adopt The ‘Glass Is Half Full’ Strategy
According to a 2003 research, ‘positivity at work is linked to internal motivation to work harder, appetite to endure more throughout the stressful circumstances, and show more goal-focused behavior.’ So next time, think and envision positive outcomes and your office conversations won’t be a ‘to-do list’ again when you are naturally inclined to make it thrive.
In all of these processes, trial and error are bound to happen. We are not usually aware that unknowingly we committed too many errors to erase them off. It happened to you, na? That’s why here are the top 8 mistakes that you can avoid so, don’t forget to share with your buddies.
8 Mistakes to avoid in Difficult Conversations
- Skipping or never having the conversation
Delaying difficult conversations often exacerbates issues and leads to misunderstandings.
For instance, Divya knows her colleague, Shyam who is consistently late to meet project deadlines that directly affects the team’s performance. Instead of circling around this topic, she hopes he will improve on his own. Eventually, this problem escalates and leads to frustration among team members.
- Softening or burying your message
Softening the importance of your message can dilute its impact, leaving the other person confused about your intentions.
For instance, Instead of clearly stating that the project was poorly executed, team leader Divya says, “I think there were some minor issues.” This approach confuses the team members about the seriousness of the situation, leaving them unmotivated to improve. It happens in personal settings as well.
- Losing sight of the conversation’s purpose
It’s essential to stay focused on the core issues to avoid getting sidetracked by irrelevant details.
For instance, In a performance review, Kirti starts discussing Deepti’s fashion choices rather than focusing on their work performance. This distracts from the feedback that Kirti intended to give, which leads to a dry and ‘objective-less’ meeting.
- Avoiding lengthy conflict
While it’s tempting to throw conflict out of the window, addressing it directly leads to better long-term outcomes.
To illustrate this point, for instance, To avoid a prolonged discussion about work expectations, Garima agrees to take on additional tasks, even though she feels overburdened. This leads to burnout and resentment. She could have had a healthy dialogue about workload. We do it every time due to fear or some other reason.
- Ignoring or pent-up feelings central to the conversation
Admitting emotions is the key. Ignoring them can prevent resolution and understanding.
Just think about it. During a conflict resolution meeting, you feel anxious about her job security but don’t voice your concerns. Ignoring feelings prevents you from fully engaging in the conversation, resulting in unresolved issues.
- Seeking validation of assumptions instead of deeper understanding
Just focusing on confirming what you already believe can stifle the potential for learning and growth.
For illustration, Leena enters a discussion with preconceived notions about her teammate’s work ethic. Instead of exploring the reasons behind their performance, Leena seeks confirmation of her bias, hindering a constructive conversation.
- Exaggerating
Overstating facts or feelings can steal your credibility and lead to extra defensiveness among your employees.
Picture this, During a discussion about workload, Maya claims, “I’ve done a hundred tasks this week!” This exaggeration erodes her credibility and can escort to defensiveness from her manager, instead of constructive feedback.
- Filling in uncomfortable silences
Silence can be a powerful instrument as it allows both parties to think and process before reacting. Silence is equal to response.
For example, After making a critical point, Anil feels uncomfortable with the silence and rushes to fill it with unnecessary explanations. Instead, he could allow his colleague to process the information, leading to a more easy conversation.
Following Up After a Difficult Conversation
A quick check-in a few days or weeks later can go a long way in ensuring that improvements are being made and that both parties feel supported and empowered. It won’t hurt you, I guarantee you that.
But wait…here are some tips to evade difficult conversation mistakes that have haunted you like hell. So, scroll down to continue.
6 Tips to avoid difficult conversation mistakes
- Act a Difficult Conversation with a Mentor or Trusted Friend
Practicing with someone you trust can help you refine your approach and increase your confidence. Their feedback would be frank and honest.
- Breathe
Take deep breaths to calm nerves before and during the conversation. This helps maintain clarity and focus. And, it specifically prevents you from being angry.
- Give something back
Express gratitude or offer support in return, bettering a cooperative environment. You can give them extra benefits too.
- It’s okay to use humor, sometimes
Light humor can ease tension, but it should be used judiciously and appropriately.
- Reflect and learn
After the conversation, reflect on what worked and what didn’t, and consider how you can improve next time.
- Patience
Allow time for the other person to process information and respond thoughtfully. You too need to cultivate it by practice.
Conclusion
So, let’s seize the day with conversations that can become easy- a step down from ‘difficult’ for everyone. Till then, see you then.
Read more:
All about Business Skills